Topsail: A Week at the Beach: Story #3 (part 1)

One of the best things God ever did for me was give me Danny as a husband. And one of the best things God ever did for Lauren was give her Danny as a step dad. It was obvious both of us needed a godly man in our lives.

The step family or "blended" family was not part of God's original design. And despite our abilities to destroy the family unit as God intended throughout human history, He is still faithful and compassionate and provides.

This is going to be a challenging post to write. Its got more drama than I care to share and its got more layers of God's handiwork than I have room to write. Here goes....

We are in the season of parenting "adult" children. That seems like an oxymoron, because even though they are in many ways adults, they still invariably behave like morons. Empty nesting has its own challenges folks.

I have seen my daughter grow in ways spiritually I could not have at her age. We have conversations about spiritual matters that are mature and significant and relevant. I am grateful this daughter of mine, is also a daughter of God. HOWEVER..... Yeah, here's the "however" part.....

She is also a young woman. As such, like the rest of us women, she is wired to desire the attentions of a man. This desire is not wrong and is perfectly natural. That is how God created her. But He created her (and women) this way to first look to Him for complete value and purpose first, and then to use it to prepare her to be wife. Are you still with me?

During our time at the beach, we immediately notice Lauren was very preoccupied and doing A LOT of texting. Not terribly unusual, but enough to get our attention. As it turns out, she was entertaining the attentions of a young man (Male "friend") she had recently met in Raleigh at a convention. I was ready to be all Yen Snead about it and pounce. I had little patience for what was revealing itself as a foolish situation. And who are we kidding, my past can verify that I'm an EXPERT at putting myself in foolish situations with men so I can smell it from a mile away.

Danny, on the other hand, always has a soft spot in his heart for Lauren. He will always give her the benefit of the doubt. He will always communicate with her in ways that don't push her buttons and he will always let her know he loves her and will endure nothing short of death itself to protect her. He is sneaky that way.

The details of the situation were revealed the first night at the beach at dinner. Yes, there was a young man she was corresponding with. They were "just friends." And the reason they were "just friends" was because he wasn't a Christian and she had told him she didn't date non-Christians.

As I stuffed my face with crab, I listened to her tell us about her Male "friend" and how she knew what she was doing and it was "no big deal" and  and  and and ... I wanted to reach over and smack upside the head with my crab cracker. But my husband was calm and he continued to provide an environment that let my daughter's heart feel safe. Before dinner was done, we found out that this young man lived about an hour from where we were staying at the beach and she wanted permission to see him while we were at the beach.

Danny agreed she could spend some time with him but only under Danny's conditions. Those conditions were as follows:

1. Male "friend" may see her only at our beach house.
2. Male "friend" may come on Wednesday between the hours of noon to 5pm
3. Male "friend" and Lauren are permitted to ONLY hang out in our beach area next to our house where Danny could observe them at all times.
4. Male "friend" and Lauren are NOT permitted to leave the premises. No long walks along the beach, etc.
5. Male "friend" can expect to have a private conversation with former Marine and retired Army officer step dad before his visit is over.

Lauren, with a good attitude agreed easily submitted to all the conditions. Oh, and one more small detail, this young man was 27. Because you know, we all know that it is perfectly reasonable for a 27 year old male to want to be "just friends" with a 19 year old girl.

It was interesting what God did as Danny and I prayed and sought Him in the days before Male "friend" arrived. There wasn't awkwardness between Lauren and us. In fact, her heart was quite warm and tender.  All the while I had to resist my overwhelming need to take "control" of the situation and "nip" it in the bud and deliver a full on powerpoint presentation about all the ways this was NOT God's man for her. Yes, yes, yes, good graphics and God's Word always do the trick.

Amazingly enough the Holy Spirit's quiet and gentle encouragement was this:
"Please be quiet. You do not have to be mother AND father anymore. You just have to be mother and right now, Lauren needs a father. So kindly continue praying for wisdom for yourself and Danny, but please get out of the way and trust God to do His work through your fearless leader."

"But...!" I would respond.

"NO. Stop. Your 'brilliant' parenting skills are really NOT needed here. Go be still and know that I am God," was the answer. And so, just as my daughter submitted to Danny's conditions, I had to submit to my own Father's conditions.

The rest of this story to come........

Topsail: A Week at the Beach: Story #2

Beach bunnies!

One of my favorite memories from our time at the beach was that Emily -- one my docent classmates and one of the ladies I am closest too was there.

Emily was at the same beach, during the exact same week, and staying only 5 houses down from us. Imagine that. Only God coordinates schedules like that.

We saw each other every day. I met her family of 3 married children. Her middle son actually looks like he and Danny are brothers (weird). She also had her 7 grandchildren there. Danny and I have done several social outings with Emily and her hubby Steve (retired FBI agent) so it was quite fun to hang out with them.


Halfway through the week Emily called me and asked if we could meet in the morning to do Bible study. So that Wednesday morning, we met 1/2 way at 6:30 in the morning with our beach chairs, cups of coffee and Bibles. Actually, Emily's Bible is the one I gave to her. We have had many spiritual conversations together and although she Catholic, she is seriously searching and sensing God work in her life. Previous to the Bible I gave her, she had been using a children's Bible one of her kids had.

As we watched the sunrise over the ocean, she asked me HOW to study the Bible not to do a Bible study. "So walk me through what you do when you sit down and read the Bible." I have shared my testimony with this woman, I have invited her to Bible study with me at my church (which she came to two studies) and now she was looking at me and wanting me to teach her how to read the words of God because she wants to hear from God personally. Are you kidding me? I couldn't have asked for a more amazing moment in my life to share scripture with a woman.

You can't pray for a more perfect opportunity and how humbling. It was a sweet hour and a half of teaching her the basics. She is hungry to learn about God. We also had time to talk about ways in which God was working in our lives and before our time was up I prayed for her.

I love what Lauren said to me later that day after I told her about my experience, "If you teach a man to fish, you teach him how to feed himself for a lifetime."

Yes, Gospel living is about being fishers of men. God is awesome........

Topsail: A Week at the Beach: Story #1

Our 3rd anniversary was spent taking a rest from the sun because even though I had put sunblock on faithfully, I didn't put it on my scalp which burned a wee bit. (I'm still peeling a bit from it now).

We found a sweet little cafe where we had fabulous seafood.

The 3rd anniversary is apparently the "leather" anniversary (who makes up this stuff?). I got Danny a brown leather wrist watch and a brown leather journal (he's always in need of a journal!).

He thoughtfully got me a gift certificate to get a personalized designer bag from one of Raleigh's top hand bag designers Holly Aiken. She has a shop downtown called "Stitch" and she is so popular she sells her bags in museums shops and other high end boutiques across the country. You get to select two colors and the design you want and the style and then you have an original bag! I have always wanted one of her bags but could not justify the price tag. Apparently my Danny thought I was worth it :)  He did good!!

I know I say this all the time, but I love my husband and I love being his wife. He is seriously my favorite human being in the entire universe and my best friend. What did I do to deserve all this? Nothing. Nothing. And I gotta sit back and think, "Man, God is good!"

How cute are we? Loved this hat. I secretly want a big plush Easter hat for next year.

"Hello world! I'm an American Christian!"

Topsail: A Week at the Beach

To celebrate our 3rd anniversary (June 7th), we spent a week at the Topsail Island. It is about 2 hrs away from Raleigh, which makes for easy access.
It was our first visit to this beach; we had heard lots of good things about it. It is a very clean beach and Danny got us a house right on the beach (I am so spoiled, I know.) Catrina had said that once you experience a house right on the beach, you'll never want to get a house any farther. She was right! So convenient!

Believe it or not, what was suppose to be a relaxing time at the beach had its share of drama. (More on that in future posts though). Danny and I read a lot, walked a lot, spent quality time in the Word a lot, and yes, ate a lot. It was a sweet time of quality reflection on all the amazing things God has done in our lives and our marriage.

Lauren was there until Thursday and by the end of the week, Danny and I were ready to come home .... not because we didn't love the beach, but we just missed our own beds and home. We must be getting old!

"Welcome to the North Carolina Museum of Art. My name is Ms. J!"

[ I am ridiculously behind on recording the happenings of the Dulins. And there have been many exciting happenings. My goal is to get caught up this week so be prepared for one too many posts from me. ]

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At the end of May, I officially "graduated" from docent training and now am a full-fledged docent. What started out to be a "Hey, I've got museum experience and an art history degree..." has turned into "What the heck did get myself into I can't remember a thing about anything I've learned!"

This is just a portion of our class.

The great thing about the training was its intentional focus AWAY from art historical facts and info toward teaching methodologies that give the docent tools and skills to engage and provide the visitor with an "experience." Did you get that? Right. Afterall, if you are a visitor (of any age) do you really want me to spit out to you a string of facts that you will most likely forget OR find yourself through google, or would you rather learn how to look at art?

Who wants to be told, "This is an important, beautiful piece because the experts say so, therefore like it."? Why is that any different than saying, "This is an expensive slab of beef, you must like the taste." History has its place in art, but one's response to art will always be subjective.

The most interesting thing for me has been the connection between this docent training and the Bible study I took this past year -- "Living By the Book: The Art and Science of Studying the Bible."  I feel strongly God has me in a place of teaching. Crazy. Me, teaching. Just a note, one's response to God's Word should never be subjective.

I already have 3 tours under my belt. All three were in the 8-9 yr old range (which is the most popular age of school groups that visit most museums). Next week I have my first adult tour. It is one I actually scheduled myself for my Bible study ladies and a few other ladies from church. I'm looking forward to finally touring for adults.

The crazy thing about touring with kids is the need I have to be in constant entertainment mode. By the time the hour is done, I am literally exhausted from the adrenaline and high energy output I've given. The best thing about touring with kids is they have energy and full of questions and very engaged.

Lucy, Beverly and Dotti

But the best part about the whole docent experience has been the friendships I have made with some of my colleagues. There is a group of six of us who are particularly close and in that group there are 3 I am very close to. These are women from the same generation (they are almost old enough to be my mother in age).

Gerie and Emily

Last fall I began realizing this group was part of my mission field. And the relationships developed from this group in my life has been a work of God. I have had opportunities to share my faith and to continue to share what Christ does in my life. These ladies expect to see me living the Christian life. There has been great opportunity to give a Bible to one friend and literally teach her how to use it. There have been conversations about deep hurts and how God heals. One docent and her husband came to Danny's baptism.

The harvest IS plenty, and the workers are few.... I remember several months ago when I said to Danny, "Maybe this whole docent thing isn't even about the art or the museum. Maybe its about these relationships God orchestrated."

And my loving Danny looked at me with his beautiful green eyes that practically said, "No duh."

Increasing or Decreasing?

This is from the daily devotional "Fresh Start" by Andy Richardson.
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The Christian life is the continual expression of a desire for God.  It is the ears of the heart listening for the voice of God.  It is the recognition that nothing in this life really satisfies except the presence of God and His happiness, not ours.  This desire competes with the less noble, but very powerful, desire for self-fulfillment.  John the Baptist understood this well and put it this way, “He must increase, but I must decrease” (John 3:30).

• Ask that your desire for God would double today.

It is your job to nurture this desire for God in your life.  No one else will do it for you, but God will help you if you ask.  There are many distractions to keep you from seeking Him this way.  Your job, your friends, and your family all consume much of your time and energy, and because of this you must learn to seek Him even in the midst of those responsibilities.  This is what Mary and Martha argued about, those two sisters whom Jesus loved so much.  Seek Him first, always, and everything else will work out fine in the end.
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The Things I Allow to Compete with God in My Life:
1. My Danny
2. Lauren
3. Daily conversations with Zoe
4. primping
5. Justification that my morning hours are the most "efficient" so I must get stuff done then
6. Checking email
7. Responding to email
8. Other Christian reading
9. Attempts to excercise
10. Comfort of my American life

There's a long list. How will I chose to be a good steward of the hours in THIS day for Him?

When a Man Loves a Woman...

There is something wonderful about when a man loves a woman. Yes, a million love songs have been written over time and countless poems as well. But there is something even better. When a husband leads his wife.

As the Dulins look forward to preparing their 3rd anniversary this June 7, I reflect on our three short (yet significant) years of marriage. Accuse me of bragging, but we have an excellent marriage. But let me brag in the Lord. This marriage is excellent by God's grace, sense of humor, and faithfulness.

When I think about what characterizes our marriage, I think about what happened last night. There was a bit of conflict. Toes stepped on. Frustrations expressed. Frustrations misinterpreted. Strong wills gearing up. Words carefully chosen. Words carelessly spoken. That's right, I said we had an excellent marriage, not a perfect marriage.

It was what the enemy delights in --- an opportunity to divide and conquer God's children, especially those in marriage. It never feels like there is a roaring lion in our home. Ahhhh..... but that's where a godly leader knows that whether it feels like it or not, the signs of the predator are preparing to pounce.

My husband, whether rightfully or not, had his feelings hurt my me. My husband, whether rightfully or not, was feeling defensive. My husband, whether rightfully or not, could have chosen to spend time standing up for himself. But he did the hardest thing it takes to do when you are not feeling warm and fuzzy toward your spouse. He took my hand and said, "I will not let the enemy try and get a foothold and destroy our fellowship."

And maybe my hand was not as eager to hold on at first, and maybe my lips were pursed, and maybe my heart was a little prideful, but those are foolish stands against the prayer of a humble and righteous husband. It is difficult to stay stubborn, when you are forced to hear your husband confess the condition of his heart before God. It is hard to stay stubborn when you hear your husband call out to God for help and for protection and for a change of heart.

It IS wonderful when a man loves a woman. But it is the blessing of God when a husband leads his wife. I've been following Danny Dulin for three years now. I can't wait to see where he leads me this year by God's grace, sense of humor and faithfulness.

Happy 3rd Anniversary.