Urine, Ethan Allen and Jesus: PART 1

This post has been one I have avoided writing, for so many different reasons but mostly because it is about me confronting things that are uncomfortable.

This past Sunday, it was so hot in Raleigh (like everywhere else), it broke a record of 60 years. The heat index was 108 degrees. If that doesn't deserve the phrase "Hot as hell" I'm not sure what circumstance does (my wedding day a close second).

That is the day Danny and I met Lisa. She is a 45 year-old woman who grew up in Spain, but has been in the US for many years. At this point, she was traveling through Raleigh. By "traveling" I mean, she was walking, or rather stumbling in the heat carrying a white plastic bag. She is probably all of 90 pounds.

As our car approached to pass her, I exclaimed, "Is that person crazy walking in this heat?!"
Then I realized she was probably not walking out of choice. And it wasn't the heat that broke my heart as I watched her, it was the fact that she was wearing sweat pants that were entirely too big for her and they were obviously soiled from urine. "We have to give her a ride."

So Danny pulled off close by and walked over to offer her a ride. As she approached the car, I could tell she walked with difficulty because of a disability. I wondered how my husband felt about her soiled-ness on his leather truck seats. But I quickly brushed that thought aside.

We asked her where she was headed, it became apparent she didn't really have a destination and was homeless. She had only been in Raleigh for 10 days. She said a ride to the next town that would be fine. The next town is Garner which at this point was 4 minutes away and there was not much there to assist her.

I will not go into all the details of the conversations and our decision making, but everything happened quickly and Danny and I seemed to be tag teaming in the process. The task of removing her from the heat and getting her water lead to her preferring coffee instead and before we knew it we were buying her coffee, water and a burger from Wendy's.

And because we knew the Mission was not open on Sunday, we did not know what to do with her because it was so hot. Under our breath we discussed options and decided to put her up in the Days Inn for a night. This would at least keep her out of the heat until Monday when we knew we could connect with the Mission.

So there we were in the Days Inn parking lot. Lisa and I in the car while Danny was getting a room. Not once did she ask for anything. She simply accepted what was offered gratefully. She was so little and so vulnerable. She was articulate. She thought I was 28. It was hard not to find her charming.

Danny returned to the car and said the room wouldn't be ready for an hour. So now what? "Well, why don't you come over to our house for lunch and then we can bring you back?" So in keeping with the Wendy's menu, we grabbed ourselves some burgers at McDonald's and headed back to our house. This was all happening so fast. I was not really thinking things through.

I felt like I was in the twilight zone. It was bizarre. There was part of me that was in hyper focus problem solving mode and thrilled to be in this situation with my husband, and there was a part of me that wondered if I was helping her for her or to make myself feel good.

As we drove up to my house, my mind raced with thoughts of "Where will we eat? How do I casually lead us to eat anywhere but at my expensive Ethan Allen dining room?"

And there it was. There was the ugly struggle. I had no problem buying her a meal or paying for a hotel room, but the deep seated (no pun intended) truth was I was not prepared to serve her with my custom fabric dining room chairs.

I could hear the Holy Spirit loud and clear, "Who do you serve? Your chair or me?"

"Who is your Master? Your precious chair or Me?"

I have a friend who has a heart for widows and orphans. I can honestly say I have a heart for the homeless in the Raleigh community. That Danny and I both do.

I never thought it would involve the struggle of deciding what human being "deserved" to sit at my dining room.

"Let me show you the love of Jesus, but please go change your pants and sit on the floor over there."

I have always been "at odds" with the book of James. Its a painful book for me personally to read. And I could hear the verses in the book rebuke me:

¹My brothers, as believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don't show favoritism. ²Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in shabby clothes also comes in. ³If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, "Here's a good seat for you," but say to the poor man, "You stand there" or "Sit on the floor by my feet," ⁴have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts? (James 2:1-4)

I knew that if I did anything other then surrender my dining room to God at this moment, I would be useless in His kingdom. And I am ashamed to say, it was not something I did easily.

And there she was. Lisa the filthy homeless lady in my house. Before I knew it, she was sitting at my table in an end seat --- Danny's place. And it was okay.

Because in my uncleanness and in all my soiled stains of my heart, Christ still invited to me to His table of salvation and offered me the meal of eternal life.

We shared a meal together. We talked and got to know each other and I was desperate for her to sense we were a married couple who wanted to give her Christ.

Before she left, I gave her a small suitcase with wheels, packed her some toiletries, snacks, water bottles, gave her my cool cowboy-ish hat and sunglasses and a pair of capri's I thought might not swallow her. And I felt it was all useless. She was lost. Not because of her homelessness, but because of the choices she made in her life and that she did not have the hope of Christ.

You can have no home or you can have a lovely home with beautiful custom made fabric chairs from Ethan Allen, but if you don't have Christ you're both in the same boat.

I was filled with such feelings of an inability to help her. I was filled with such grief that people "live" life this way. I was filled with such grief that I could value my dining room over giving another human being the blessing of hospitality.

"Hippity hoppity! Hippity hoppity! Hippity hoppity!"

If you're a LOST fan, you will get the reference of this post's title. It was Ben shaking the bunny in the cage while Sawyer shrank in horror as Ben taunted him saying, "Hippity hoppity! Hippity hoppity! Hippity hoppity!" Great episode.....

Anyway, last Sunday was our church hop #3. We visited Visio Dei. Our friends/neighbors Will and Linda have been attending and know others from our neighborhood who go there as well.

I am finding this whole visiting churches experiment bringing up issues I did not know existed or did not think mattered. There has been more of an emotional struggle than I'd like to admit. It is a challenge to be honest about recognizing and identifying my personal church culture preferences and how my own comforts lead or distract me when it comes to corporate worship.

That was a mouthful. I'm so deep.

I am wrestling with how will I still choose to meet God regardless of my surroundings. Regardless of whether I know the worship songs or not. Does a familiar song make for better worship? Is that a good or a bad thing? Do I rely on familiarity to make me feel comfortable therefore I deceive myself into thinking I am in a "state of worship" while the music is happening?

But I can't deny the impact of a meaningful worship song where the lyrics are so well known not only in my mind, but in the experience of my life. Interesting thoughts. Similar to rereading a favorite well-known verse.

Visio Dei is definitely the most casual church we have visited. For me, it reminded me of my Campus Crusade for Christ meeting days at JMU. Which when I was in college, was fantastic.
I am not necessarily saying this church is at a para-church level, I think I am realizing what a rich experience God provided for me in my CCC college days.

PROS:
Friendly, casual atmosphere. Doesn't feel like an overwhelming "big" church. Accessible snacks located for between services. Contemporary "cool" graphic treatment in the slideshow/media displays. Worship band was very talented. Teaching was solid and application was straightforward. The Gospel clearly taught.

CONS: Everyone was WHITE. Everyone was YOUNG (in their 20's and early 30's crowd). Teaching was seeker oriented and a little too conversational. Even though the worship band was awesome, I did struggle with feeling like I was at a concert watching a cool band and not at church.

UNSURE:
Communion was self serve (never experienced this before). This is cool for a family to share together. Or for the husband to serve his wife communion. But it was very casual and felt like the Lord's Supper was no big deal.

Jacqueline Fashion Con: (Disclaimer: this section has nothing to do with hard sound doctrine.) Again, too summer casual for me. I am not looking folks to be in Sunday hats or men in ties, but there is something insanely traditional about me that wants to see folks in their "Sunday best" for church. I understand there are people who's Sunday best is whatever God has provided them and they can only afford so much. I am not looking for expensive fashion. I understand Jesus sees the what is on the inside of a man's heart while man looks at the outside. I understand I am so easily drawn to the outside, but is there not a balance where the outside is the reflection of the inside too? Ugghh, I'm feeling all sorts of voices in my head telling me I am superficial and I haven't got a clue about God seeing my heart.

Do I get dressed pretty on Sundays because I think God deserves the effort or is because I am just vain? And do I really want to know the answer to that question?

After every church visit I am filled with sadness. Its the weirdest thing. Its the feeling of, "I can't find a place to belong." But that's not what choosing to follow and worship Christ is about.

I know its important to me to be in a church that is racially, economically and generationally diverse. I am not in my 20's, early 30's anymore (sadly) and although I think I have a lot of life experience to offer that generation, I do not want to feel like I have to try to keep up with their culture to be relevant. I also know there is a whole generation BEFORE me that I need to also be surrounded by. The older generation has its place in being relevant in my life too.

This is what I do know, I am grateful I have the hand of my Danny in mine no matter what body of Christ we are surrounded by.

Home Improvement Wasteland

The power and the force of the home improvement vortex has sucked the Dulins in. In late spring, we painted our breakfast bar wall a gold maze yellow. We loved it and since we had so much of that paint left over we decided to use it in our powder room.

Its just a little powder room, how hard can it be? It tested us both and possibly our marriage. Thankfully, we've learned what our strengths and weaknesses are as Dulin home improvement team. I am grateful nothing gets to my husband and he has the gracious attitude that "everything can be fixed."

I, on the other hand, live in fear of the impending home improvement project can of worms turn into your worst nightmare. There's a drop of paint on the floor and I am horrified, "OH NO!!!!! What will we do???? How did this happen? How can we live? How can we go on?" You get the point.

Anyway, we redid the powder room in the yellow and love it. We replaced the lighting fixture to something more fun from Lowe's. The mosaic red mirror is gorgeous and on sale at Pier One. The bathroom hardware was found at TJ Maxx Home Goods (love that store!!). The outlet plates on clearance from Tarjay. The round orange frames are $5 frames from TJ Maxx. BUT I went to Lowes with my orange bath towel and got a paint sample that matched and painted those babies myself. How craftsy am I?

The kitchen backsplash unfortunately not found at Tarjay or TJ Maxx, but well worth it. As Sue says, "Its the kitchen bling." A recycled glass with an irredescent sheen its simply gorgeous. We chose a limey/apple-esque green paint that is similar to the green in my dining room drapes and ties everything together. Feels clean and modern and fun and contemporary. I LOVE IT!!!! I could live in that kitchen! Oh, wait. I DO live in that kitchen. (PS -- we had contractors do the backsplash but we painted.)

Hopping Along

This past Sunday, we did church hop #2. We attended Triangle Community Church in Cary.

Many of you already know, I have a strong fever for the flavor of solid expositional teaching with dispensational spice. Some of the biggest influences in my Christian growth have been men like Michael Easley, Tommy Nelson, and Howard Hendricks. They are all Dallas Theological Seminary dudes. One time I was on the DTS website and found an app that allows you to locate DTS grads who are now serving in ministry in your area. Its quite practical and cool (click here to see). That is how I found Triangle Community Church. Their senior pastor is a UNC grad and a DTS grad.

Naturally, because its summer time, you can't always count on a "typical" experience for many churches. The pastor we'd hope to hear was, in fact, "off" and another pastor was teaching. We also went to the last service (11:30 am) and it was 'sparse' -- suspect the 10 am service may have been more packed.

PROS:
Visitor put their car hazards on and automatically get directed into prime visitor parking. Friendly, extremely casual atmosphere. Doesn't feel like an overwhelming "big" church. Accessible snacks located for between services in the sanctuary.
Teaching was solid and applicable but seemed not mind blowing. Contemporary "cool" graphic treatment in the slideshow/media displays. (You can laugh, but the designer in me can get easily distracted by BAD BAD typeface!!)
Jesus, the gospel, and the authority of Scripture clearly and boldly taught.

CONS:
Although, everyone was friendly, no one sought us out as visitors. Not even the greeters at the door who could tell where we parked. When we were in the building, we asked an older gentleman if we were headed in the right direction to the sanctuary and he nodded yes, but did not acknowledge us otherwise.
Worship team was a little on the "high school" side. Yeah, I know everyone under 30 looks 12 to me. It was also led by the electric guitar dude. So it was a dominant instrument in the music.
Because in between coffee and snacks are at the back of the sanctuary, when the service starts folks are still back there gabbing and its not till the lights go down that those folks realize "Oh, church is happening. I guess I better stop talking so loud."
Order of their service was odd. Announcements and tithing was done at the end and not the beginning, which can disrupt the "flow" of the impact of the sermon. Not a big deal, just something we both noticed.
As far as we could tell, it seemed strong on the seeker side too.

Jacqueline Fashion Con: (Disclaimer: this section has nothing to do with hard sound doctrine.) Again, too summer casual for me. Especially with teeny boppers in strapless tube tops and short jean shorts working their way to a good wedgy. I know this is an issue in all churches (including ours), but these girls walked in with Daddy. Daddy needs to start parenting. But I digress. Poor guy, he was wearing really bad WHITE leather loafers.

Would we go back once in awhile? Doubtful.
The most unexpected thing we experienced? Running into one of Danny's good friends from work who doesn't attend but was picking up his daughter because she had gone with another family there. The weird thing? This friend of Danny's attends the first church we hopped to.
WEIRD!

Another Out-of-My-Comfy-Zone

As a stay at home mom.... No, wait that's not true anymore. As a full-time "homemaker" I have been given the unique opportunity to spend my time in many different ways. As you know, Danny and I are very involved at the Raleigh Rescue Mission. We know the staff and residents so well now and they consider us permanent part of the organization.

But I have now ventured into new territory. No, it doesn't involve 7th grade girls (Praise Jesus!). Instead it involves being a volunteer "friend" to a developmentally disabled adult. A friend of mine from Sunday School is on staff at Arc of Wake County which partners with these adults and their families to help them achieve various levels of independent living, etc.

ARC use to stand for the Association of Retarded Citizens. However, fifteen years ago there was strong opposition to the word “retarded” and it was removed from the title of the organization. It became “The Arc”.

Several months ago my Sunday School friend asked if I would volunteer a couple hours a month to connect with "...this really cute and fashionable Asian girl. Afterall, you're such a cute and fashionable Asian girl too!" I could not argue with her well founded facts. She added, "She is quite insecure and could use a positive confident role model." Oh, yeah this has got my name written all over it I thought. How do the lyrics to that SuperChick song go?

". . . And I'll be everything that I wanna be,
I am confidence in insecurity . . ."

My friend's job is to match a volunteer from the community with a partner; a teenager or an adult with a developmental disability. Together the volunteer and partner spend time together each month, "exploring recreational resources in the area and taking part in leisure activities." This is a time to share opportunities to learn new skills, grow as individuals, and to get to know each other as the partner becomes more socially involved in the community. Activities can include shopping, going out to eat, walking/excercising, sit & talk, go to a movie or sporting event.

Are you kidding me? I get to volunteer to SHOP? Who says God doesn't call the equipped?

A meeting was set up and I met "Kim" (that is not her real name to protect her). Kim is about 30 but her emotional and mental ranges around from 10 to 16 years. She is Chinese and was adopted by an American father and his Iranian wife. Although she is Chinese, she has been loosely raised Muslim. Imagine that. I am Asian and grew-up in two Muslim countries and worked at a Museum that had an Islamic collection. God is so sneaky.

Kim lives in an apartment with a roomate and works part-time at a drugstore. She drives but mainly only in the vicinity of her apartment. So in many ways if you saw her you would think, "Cute Asian girl. Normal." Her parents are financially secure and keep a close eye on her and she has a case worker from the county that works with her on a weekly basis.

Our first meeting felt like I was interviewing for a job because her mother was there with her elegant Persian accent questioning me and my motives for volunteering. Kim only answered questions when asked and gave me little eye contact. She did not seem to be impressed that I was a cute fashionable Asian girl too.

Since then I have emailed her to try and plan something but with graduation and all the craziness in my schedule we couldn't find a time to connect. Honestly, I was not so motivated mainly because it didn't seem like she was eager to do anything with me and her emails were short and lacking in suggestions on activities.

We finally, set up a time last Thursday to meet for ice-cream at Coldstone Creamery and then do a little shopping. I was nervous. Okay, I was anxious that it was going to be a long couple of hours of me pulling teeth to have conversation.

To my surprise, she greeted me with a smile and immediately said, "You look different then I remembered. You look young!" EXCELLENT.

We had a WONDERFUL time sharing cellphone pictures and eating ice-cream and she was so engaged and giggly. After ice-cream, she drove us over to Ross where we looked for summer dresses. We had fun trying on dresses and admiring how the other looked so good in her choice. Kim spent a considerable amount of time choosing new sun glasses and was informed by me that sunglasses make her look "glamorous!"

The best part was when she asked me in Ross "So how often are we going to get to hang out?" I told her as often as she would like. She seemed pleased by this.

I will spare you the cliche that she blessed me instead of the other way around, but it cannot be overstated. Imagine that corny scene with Sandra Bullock in "The Blindside" where she introspectively declares, "He's changing my life..."

Kim is my "Blindside" experience. I feel like I just got a little sister and its just fun. Maybe the friendship won't go super emotionally deep, but its refreshing and humbling to be around another human being that doesn't have an agenda or in many ways have the capacity to disappoint you. It has made me reassess many of my current friendships. I have experienced some major disappointment from people I've know almost 20 years recently.

Our next activity? I will teach her how to make fruit smoothies and we will give ourselves pedicures. I can't wait!

Sarah Palin, Step Aside!

We ARE an elite few. Sarah. My friend Cheryl and Catrina. How about you?

There are times in a woman's life journey that define her in new ways. Menstruation. College. Marriage. Having her first child. Shooting her first gun. Ahhhh, yessssssssss.

I thought breaking 2 boards in Tai Kwon Do was one of those moments. Perhaps it was, but nothing compares to the sheer power of squeeling like a girl after the gun powder explodes.

For the 4th of July, we went to Danny's coworker's farm for great fellowship, good country cookin', and yes, a time of shootin' rifles (5.56 millimeter semi-automatic weapon). If my husband thought I was hot before, he was a droolin' fool after witnessing me shoot 3 times and hitting the target 3 times. Yeah, baby.

Sarah Palin, step aside. QueenD's gotcha covered. I'm going to request that my NRA card is pink and decorated with bling. "Everybody run.....QueenD's got a gun...."

Columbian Drug Princess?

Modern Day Viet-cong?

Havin' a good ole country time!

"Knox" (the Host) and Danny.

Danny needed no lessons on shooting.