How Does Truth Apply?

Last night we got the call from our vet about the tissue test results from BamBam's eye. As expected, it was cancerous, but the news was the worst it could be: he has lymphoma and its not local in his eye; it is systemic. I'm not going to get into all the medical descriptions of his condition, but like a human, he'll need to have further tests to determine which stage of cancer he has and based on that, we'll have to decide what we'll do for treatment ...... IF we can justify treatment.

My heart is broken. And it feels stupid to feel so broken, because he is, in fact, just a dog. I cannot imagine not having him follow me around the house, greet me in his crazy "I'm so thrilled Mommy is home!" hyper state of mind every time I come home. I cannot imagine long walks without him.

And then I am reminded of a friend who struggles, wrestles and battles with the difficulties and series of daily heartaches she experiences because she has an autistic child. I think of another woman, who has recently lost a child during pregnancy and many others during other pregnancies. The courage and effort it takes her to face her grief repeatedly and to work towards healing, I imagine is monumental. I don't understand their heartaches, but have certainly cried with and for them. God knows I probably could not handle their heartaches.

Who am I to nurse the heartache of losing my dog? Life is not about comparison, but comparison certainly affords itself to perspective. God says He is close to the broken-hearted. Does God care that I hurt over my dog? How do I justify a prayer for my dog or even a prayer for myself because of my DOG? Did David write Psalms about his pet? I am sure you hear the sarcasm in my voice.

It is a strange place to be asking for God's wisdom about a DOG. How will we be good steward's of his resources/finances when it comes to what we're willing to pay for care and treatment for our DOG? When am I willing to be as generous in giving that money to a HUMAN who needs medical treatment instead? Just because I could afford the treatment, does it make sense --- in the eyes of God to spend our money that way? On a DOG? What is the eternal value in that? Other than meeting my own emotional need to have my DOG around me for a little longer?

How in this stupid situation of my broken heart over a DOG do I apply God's truth and word to it? Because God's word and truth DOES apply. Somehow and someway. Is this situation purely selfish on my part? My DOG gives me joy. That is his purpose in my life and there is an emotional area of my heart that gets blessed and filled by him.

I love BamBam. I think that's obvious over the years as I've often included him in various blogposts. He is like a child to me. But this heartache feels conflicted for me. I want my heart to mourn with those who mourn, and grieve with those who grieve -- for real. There are REAL hurts and broken lives out there. My heart cannot chose to cry in my isolated house over my DOG without recognizing it has the potential to take my efforts and energy in a direction that fails to see that my mourning can be wasted if not poured in the perspective of others.

Recovering Well

Its been 4 days since his surgery and BamBam has been recovering really well! Believe it or not, he's acting practically like his old self with a bit of bumping into things.

BamBam's Surgery OR Valentine's Day 2011

BamBam's chest x-rays showed no cancer. Good news. He had his right eye removed on Valentine's Day.
I was in shock and not prepared for what he was going to look like physically when we picked him up last night. It didn't occur to me they would shave his face and as the vet said, "I know he looks a little like Franken-dog, but his hair will grow back and because he's black he'll look like himself."

He seems to be recovering "normally." It was a difficult first night but today he is starting to act a little like himself but sorta all doped up. I love my dog. Its been difficult emotionally. He's not my child, but he is my baby.

Be warned, even with his party hat, these pics are rough to look at if you are squeemish.