Colgate: Not the Toothpaste

Last Saturday Lauren and I headed on her college campus visit to Colgate University. It is a small (2,500 students) liberal arts college. And yes, its the same family name that the toothpaste is named after, however, the University came first.

Colgate is located in upstate New York in a little town known as the Village of Hamilton. I thought villages were only available in Africa and Vietnam. After having to fly to Atlanta to get a connecting flight to Syracuse, we then had to rent a car to drive an hour to get to Hamilton. To give you a sense of how north Hamilton is --- (see the google map), its only about 2 hrs away from Lake Ontario. And it IS pure RURAL-ness, BUT gorgeous. I have often thought the Blueridge Mountains and the Shenandoah Valley is beautiful, but this had it beat for sure.

But for those of you who are familiar with Harrisonburg, VA it seems like a BIG CITY compared to Hamilton. Named after Alexander Hamilton, the population is about 4,000. Yeah, no..... we're not in Chapel Hill anymore.... The "heart" of the town is basically two main streets and without Colgate, there's not much there. And with Colgate students still on summer break, the place felt like a serious ghost town.

We got settled in Saturday and tried to spend time in the town and driving around, etc. Sunday we went to Hamilton Bible Church because it has a strong relationship with Colgate's Intervarsity group and the pastor went to Dallas Theological Seminary. It was an interesting experience in that there were only 35 people there (many are on vacation and many are students yet to return) but it felt like a big "small group." It was a very interactive group due to the size so when the pastor talked, it was pretty common for other folks to respond like a Bible study. Lauren and I found ourselves mostly blessed by the idea of joining a group of strangers who also happened to be another part of the body of Christ. There wasn't fancy worship but it was the pastor his guitar and 2 others. But the sense of not knowing these people but still having an instant connection because of Christ was refreshing.

After the service, we met 2 Colgate students and the dean of the psychology department (he did the "special music") and talked to the pastor. Turns out the pastor is the new chaplin on campus and he said that there were about 8 professors that are very involved at this church and the Christian community at Colgate. This was most comforting and encouraging.

I think the thing that struck me most during church was that idea that Lauren REALLY will be leaving the nest and I have no choice but to trust God to shape, mold, protect, grow, lead, direct, discipline and love her. I had to hold back tears in this moment of total helplessness. When Lauren goes off to school, it will indeed be the real test of her faith -- is it really her own? Will she be intentional and habitual in seeking Christ consistantly? Will she surround herself with people who desire the same? Will her faith be fortified even in the midst of liberal academic sometimes anti-God ideology? I have one year left of finishing off my "training" of her in the ways of the Lord. And lets face it, if the basic core isn't established now, we're in trouble.

Anyway, later that afternoon we went to an annual big to do Anitique Show down the road. There were thousands of vendors, sellers, and tents from all over the country. Furniture and knick knacks and jewelry and all KINDS of stuff! It was fun but it was a little warm. Despite being so far north, the weather was low 90's and a bit of humidity it felt quite like the south.
After the antiquing, we found a lovely ice-cream and chocolate shop in town and got root beer floats!

That evening we stayed in and ate our leftovers from lunch and lounged and watched 5,000 hours of "Bridezilla" and other bad reality TV. Even though the hotel room had 2 queen beds, Lauren still opted to sleep with me and it was like she was a little girl snuggling mommy! We laughed and ate bad for you snacks and it really was a sweet time of just us time.

Monday we had an information session with about 50 other prospective students and their parents. The guy doing the schpeel was an alumni and black and I think the first person of color we saw since we were there. I was proud of Lauren during the session for 2 reasons: 1. she went and sat in the very first row of the auditorium and 2. when she asked a question, she was the only student to first introduce herself.

After the info session, we did a campus walking tour with a 3rd year student. Did I mention the campus is B E A U T I F U L ?? The sidewalks are heated during the winter. There are large fireplaces in a lot of the common area for students. The campus has unbelievable facilities I can't even begin to describe how jealous I was of how spoiled students are there. My experience at JMU almost seems poverty stricken in comparison. Sigh....... As you guessed, Lauren fell in love with the place.

Mostly it was what the speaker said: "If you are a student who likes a lot of interaction with your professors and classmates in the classroom and enjoy engaging in discussion and being a part of the learning experience, Colgate is the place for you. We have a 10 to 1 student to professor ratio and the average class size is 19. You will not only have professors who will teach you, but you will have professors who will be investing your life for your four years here and beyond."

Oh dear. Big ole UNC seems so big and impersonal to her now.....

After our tour we drove to Syracuse University and was awed by the massive castle like architecture -- another gorgeous campus but with a big city feel and not so serene as Colgate. Checked into our hotel in Syracuse, flew out the next morning and had a 4 hour layover in DC!

This was not an opportunity to be missed for us to have lunch at my FAVORITE restaurant in DC Jaleo! Ahhhhh, dates wrapped in bacon covered in bread crumbs and deep fried! Tapas galore! After lunch we hit the Hirshhorn Musem and Sculpture Garden for some modern art and then visited my old stomping ground the Freer & Sackler. I got to visit with my old friend John T (his wife is also my friend who was my realitor when I lived in VA). Then we caught our plane and we were back in Raleigh by 7 pm.

We felt so jet set --- NY to DC to Raleigh. We had a blast. It will probably be one of the last trips Lauren and I will take just the two of us for a very, very long time. We both knew it and she was full of appreciation and enjoying every bit of it.

Using Judgement or Simply Judging?

We just had to turn down someone who was ready to sign a lease on Danny's VA house. It was difficult because in many ways we are starting to feel a little "desperate" about getting ANYONE in there. The last time we did this, we DID let just anyone live there and after almost $10K worth of damage, we have learned our lesson. So between that plus the no rent for 4 months, you can understand why we want to lower our standards for the kind of tenant and yet hold out for an ideal tenant.

We turned down Rachel, a single mom of a 3 yr. old and a 5 yr. old and in nursing school. She is anxious to move in before school starts for her 5 yr. old. She offered us $50 ABOVE what we wanted for rent and this was welcome news. (That's a potential extra pair of shoes a month for me, no???!)

But....... and you know there's a BUT. She was upfront about her poor credit "due to some past student loans" (red flag #1). We thought we'd still give her an application.

Question: Have you ever been convicted of a crime?
"Yes, a misdemeanor against my husband (now ex) when I found out he was cheating on me." Fair enough. I can understand the anger of that misdemeanor (red flag #2).

Question: List employer, etc.
"I am self-employed $6K/month plus $700 in child support."
Whoah, sista friend $6K per month?!!! Self-employed? What's her "business"?

She is a "dancer" (red flag #3) and willing to show us bank statements to prove she is making that kind of money. She doesn't have tax return because she hasn't filed her taxes yet (red flag #4).

Hmmm...... so then the struggle becomes are we judging her for her "business"? Shouldn't we be interested in ministering to a single mom? She said she is not proud of what she's doing but that is the only option she has to provide for her kids and pay for nursing school...... Danny kindly responded with, "Yes, we all do what we must do to take care of our children."

The next day when Danny sent her a "thanks, but no thank you this will not be a good fit" email she responded with:

"I have no pets, a stable job, and am very responsible, i even offered 1800 instead of 1750. The only thing I can figure is that I have been judged as a bad person because of my job. Shame on you."

Really? Shame on us? Was it just one red flag we saw? Isn't it our priority/prerogative to "judge" whether she is an ideal tenant for us, the other homeowners in the neighborhood? Do we know her from Adam? If she tripped and fell down the stairs, where would her "stable" job be then? Or even if she got in a car accident and ANY of her dancing parts got injured, how stable would her employment be then? Does this job provide medical insurance? Oh, right .... she's studying to be a nurse. That saves loads of expenses....

Not every woman who "dances" is of questionable character. They are all of low character. And if you are willing to reduce yourself to this, and not willing to value yourself then why could I trust you to value my house? If SHE is not proud of what she does, why the heck do WE need to overlook it? I don't have to condone it to still feel sorry for her, and feeling sorry for her doesn't take away all the red flags. Doesn't this "environment" bring with it people of seriously questionable character and possibly drugs, etc?

How dare we to "assume"!!! Really? How idiotic and completely unwise of us to NOT assume.

Life is not fair and it is difficult surviving as a single mom, but "dancing" cannot be the only option. Character counts. Character is worth preserving. Character is sometimes all you have when you've got no money, no job.

This is not about whether she is responsible or nice or smart or hard "working" - - - this is about how she views what is acceptable and not. I don't need her to be the a seminary mission minded lead 10,000 to Jesus woman, but I do not have time to get to know her before we sign a lease. We MUST exercise judgement and judging her is not the same thing as treating her badly.

Are we really going to have a Bill Clinton discussion about how personal/private actions have nothing to do with public actions? EVERYTHING in our lives is connected. It is connected by your world view and your moral compass or lack of it.

Okay, I vented and I'm done. Whew.

26 Years

Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." [ John 14:6 ]

Jesus did not say, "I am one of many relative options to the way and the truth and the life. If you feel like this is a belief that is comfortable for you, you can come to the Father through me."

Twenty-six years ago today, I was compelled to make the most important decision of my life. One that was more important than where I went to college, what I was going to do when I found out I was pregnant, or if I should marry Danny. That decision was to believe that Jesus is who he says he is: "The way and the truth and the life." To believe He is not a liar and intolerant, but that He is the ONLY choice for Truth and Life.

On August 13, 1983 at 13 years old I had joined my best friend and her church youth group for a day trip to the beach. As far as I knew, it was just going to be a fun day at the beach. But as I spent the day with this group and especially on the ride home in the van, I knew there was something different about them. They had something I did not. They had some kind of peace, some kind of something, and I had never seen it before, but I knew I wanted it too. What they had, was the way, the truth and the life.

As my friend and I sat in the parking lot of the church waiting to be picked up by her parents to go home, I remember asking her who Jesus was. I had been to church before at my grandmother's in VA many times and there was plenty of talk to Jesus and hell and being saved, but none of it ever made sense to me. I was Daddy's girl and since my father had rejected the beliefs of his parents, and was such a smart man, I naturally followed his lead.

But this night would be different. When I finally got home and lay awake in my bed, I could not stop thinking about what I had sensed and could not shake who Jesus was. No one told me how to say a special prayer, no one was there to urge me to "accept Jesus", but the Spirit of God had taken hold of me and without a word spoken, my heart acknowledged to God that night "You are God. And I need You."

Does it take deep doctrine and theology to convince someone of who Christ is? No. What kind of knowledge, what kind of insight, what kind of wisdom could a 13 year-old have?

At that time Jesus said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. [Matthew 11:25]

And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." [Matthew 18:3]

My point being that it was nothing about ME that showed me who God is, it was His working and revealing. They say statistically as one gets older the less likely they will be open to the gospel of Jesus. Children don't have egos and pride and self-promotion and independence the same way adults do. Children don't define themselves by resumes, social status, accomplishments, influence, etc. the way adults do. They are innocent and don't know much. They do not have to over analyze and weigh the pros and the cons and consider the various outcomes and sacrifices. They are innocent and able to receive the truth.

As an adult now and as a Christian of 26 years, I find that the truth is sometimes the hardest thing to believe and live by, but it is the only thing that will set you free and will give you life.
Jesus is the way to get you to the truth which will give you life. The other options are all a detour to the lie which will give you death.