Another Out-of-My-Comfy-Zone

As a stay at home mom.... No, wait that's not true anymore. As a full-time "homemaker" I have been given the unique opportunity to spend my time in many different ways. As you know, Danny and I are very involved at the Raleigh Rescue Mission. We know the staff and residents so well now and they consider us permanent part of the organization.

But I have now ventured into new territory. No, it doesn't involve 7th grade girls (Praise Jesus!). Instead it involves being a volunteer "friend" to a developmentally disabled adult. A friend of mine from Sunday School is on staff at Arc of Wake County which partners with these adults and their families to help them achieve various levels of independent living, etc.

ARC use to stand for the Association of Retarded Citizens. However, fifteen years ago there was strong opposition to the word “retarded” and it was removed from the title of the organization. It became “The Arc”.

Several months ago my Sunday School friend asked if I would volunteer a couple hours a month to connect with "...this really cute and fashionable Asian girl. Afterall, you're such a cute and fashionable Asian girl too!" I could not argue with her well founded facts. She added, "She is quite insecure and could use a positive confident role model." Oh, yeah this has got my name written all over it I thought. How do the lyrics to that SuperChick song go?

". . . And I'll be everything that I wanna be,
I am confidence in insecurity . . ."

My friend's job is to match a volunteer from the community with a partner; a teenager or an adult with a developmental disability. Together the volunteer and partner spend time together each month, "exploring recreational resources in the area and taking part in leisure activities." This is a time to share opportunities to learn new skills, grow as individuals, and to get to know each other as the partner becomes more socially involved in the community. Activities can include shopping, going out to eat, walking/excercising, sit & talk, go to a movie or sporting event.

Are you kidding me? I get to volunteer to SHOP? Who says God doesn't call the equipped?

A meeting was set up and I met "Kim" (that is not her real name to protect her). Kim is about 30 but her emotional and mental ranges around from 10 to 16 years. She is Chinese and was adopted by an American father and his Iranian wife. Although she is Chinese, she has been loosely raised Muslim. Imagine that. I am Asian and grew-up in two Muslim countries and worked at a Museum that had an Islamic collection. God is so sneaky.

Kim lives in an apartment with a roomate and works part-time at a drugstore. She drives but mainly only in the vicinity of her apartment. So in many ways if you saw her you would think, "Cute Asian girl. Normal." Her parents are financially secure and keep a close eye on her and she has a case worker from the county that works with her on a weekly basis.

Our first meeting felt like I was interviewing for a job because her mother was there with her elegant Persian accent questioning me and my motives for volunteering. Kim only answered questions when asked and gave me little eye contact. She did not seem to be impressed that I was a cute fashionable Asian girl too.

Since then I have emailed her to try and plan something but with graduation and all the craziness in my schedule we couldn't find a time to connect. Honestly, I was not so motivated mainly because it didn't seem like she was eager to do anything with me and her emails were short and lacking in suggestions on activities.

We finally, set up a time last Thursday to meet for ice-cream at Coldstone Creamery and then do a little shopping. I was nervous. Okay, I was anxious that it was going to be a long couple of hours of me pulling teeth to have conversation.

To my surprise, she greeted me with a smile and immediately said, "You look different then I remembered. You look young!" EXCELLENT.

We had a WONDERFUL time sharing cellphone pictures and eating ice-cream and she was so engaged and giggly. After ice-cream, she drove us over to Ross where we looked for summer dresses. We had fun trying on dresses and admiring how the other looked so good in her choice. Kim spent a considerable amount of time choosing new sun glasses and was informed by me that sunglasses make her look "glamorous!"

The best part was when she asked me in Ross "So how often are we going to get to hang out?" I told her as often as she would like. She seemed pleased by this.

I will spare you the cliche that she blessed me instead of the other way around, but it cannot be overstated. Imagine that corny scene with Sandra Bullock in "The Blindside" where she introspectively declares, "He's changing my life..."

Kim is my "Blindside" experience. I feel like I just got a little sister and its just fun. Maybe the friendship won't go super emotionally deep, but its refreshing and humbling to be around another human being that doesn't have an agenda or in many ways have the capacity to disappoint you. It has made me reassess many of my current friendships. I have experienced some major disappointment from people I've know almost 20 years recently.

Our next activity? I will teach her how to make fruit smoothies and we will give ourselves pedicures. I can't wait!