Wrestling Over the Gray

You've seen her. The middle-aged woman still trying to appear as if she were in her lates 20's. Its painful and sad. No matter how great her figure still is, or how pretty her hair is, her face will tell it like it is.
She is to a certain extent still "attractive" but because she is trying so hard to maintain it, it is painfully unattractive.

This post is about vanity. My vanity.
This post is about the struggle of aging; losing my youth.
This post is about my heart embracing the fact that I am a middle-aged woman.

This post is not a criticism of your vanity or your thoughts of how you deal with these issues, so in no way is it a commentary on your personal journey. (I'll leave my judgemental thoughts between me and God :)

To gray or not to gray, that is the question. Or perhaps the question is to fight the gray or not to fight the gray. To age appropriately or resist it at all costs.

I have always said that I would not start dying my hair until after I was 40. Well, I'm 40.5 and the grays are winning the battle of taking over. There are strands that are literally "striped" from starting out brown, turning gray, fighting back and partially brown and finally giving up and succumbing to the gray. Even though on the surface it doesn't look like I'm graying, when I put my hair in a ponytail or up, there are very obvious dense "patches" of grays visible. Plucking a few here or there is no longer a viable option. There's just too much of it.

I hate that my heart has struggled with this issue because I have always wanted to age gracefully. I understand that at 40.5 I am NOT old, but at 40.5 I am also not "young" anymore.

I am fortunate to have great Asian genes which helps me looking like a young 40.5 (thank you God and Yen Snead), but I was in denial of how far those genes were going to take me. This may seem silly to many of you and in the whole scheme of a broken and hurting world, its ridiculous to even discuss this.

But here I am ...... with a lot of gray hairs peeping through. Should I or shouldn't I? I've decided with no. I've decided to let the gray creep in more and more and as I age and the grays display themselves with confidence, I will walk with confidence knowing I've now chosen to embrace my age, stage of life, and that I am who I am in significance and beauty because of Christ. Cliche, but nonetheless full of truth to live by.

I am sensing a lot of freedom and peace as I have finally decided I don't need to "maintain" or try and compete with 30-somethings (as if I could). I believe strongly I have a responsibility (and natural desire) to keep myself attractive for my hubby. HOWEVER, I relinquish the desire to try effortlessly to regain the youth I once had and to no longer mourn the passing of my youth. In fact, to mark this new found freedom, I got 3 inches cut off my hair. Longish hair is fine, but lonnnnnggggggggg hair even if I could get away with it is no longer needed or appropriate.

"Hello, my name is Jacqueline and I am officially (and happily) middle-aged."

Dulin Christmas Open House

We had our annual Christmas Open House this past Sunday. We had a blast with people from all walks of our lives show up: neighbors, friends, church folk, Bible study folk, soccer teammates, docents, coworkers, and yes...... I even welcomed their children was well. (See? I'm not such a scrooge). We had about 60 to 65 people show up and at one point our house was packed wall to wall. I am sure we broke a fire code.

It was a lot of hard work and I continue to be amazed at Yen Snead who would pull this kind of thing off with serious gourmet delights. Believe it or not, it was the least stressful hostessing event we've had and I am learning the fine art of hospitality includes 2 crucial things:
1. Serious planning and organization
2. Even more serious PREP work

I will say I could not have pulled it off without the help of Danny and Lauren. Both were beyond just "helpful" and had made the experience so much fun as we prepared to open our home.

Although I've never compare to Yen Snead, I certainly do have her genes and found myself declaring more than once, "Yen would be so proud!" (despite much of the not-so-homemade-goodies).

MENU (for Catrina) --( all homemade except where noted)

• Baked brie
  -- 1 with Fig preserves
  -- 1 with Raspberry preserves
• Creamy Smoked Salmon spread
  -- served with crostini, carrots, celery, and cocktail bread
• Bacon wrapped apricots
  -- fresh sage drizzled with maple syrup
• Hummus pita sandwiches
  --roasted red pepper, fennel, olive & parsley slaw
• Granny smith apple slices
  -- goat cheese spread sprinkled with pistachio and candied ginger
  
• pecan pie tarts -- whole foods
• bite sized wafers with chocolate -- whole foods
• spiced cake cupcakes --- Betty Crocker mix
• brownie mini-cupcakes --- Betty Crocker mix
• gingerbread mini-cupcakes --- Trader Joe's mix
• Drinks
  --Coffee
  --Sprite/7-up (clear liquids so if kids spilled I wouldn't freak!)
  --Egg Nog (store bought)
  --Mulled spiced warm red wine (homemade)
• Party favor bags with holiday candy/chocolates with tags that had the verse Luke 2:10-11

The Well Wrapped Gift First Client!

As I posted in my "Open for Business" entry, Zoe and I started a gift wrapping service. Although we couldn't quite get our ducks in order this season to pursue clients, we are happy to report we have had 2 non-corporate clients.

Last week a woman in the Columbia, SC area found our site on the web and called us. How exciting! That's how its suppose to work, yes? Anyway, she and her family fly out to CA every year for Christmas and she mails all her gifts ahead of time out there so she doesn't have to obviously carry them on the plane.

Here was Zoe's first customer and her order was for over 50 gifts to be wrapped!! She made over $300 on 1 client! EXCELLENT! Zoe's 2nd customer was another mom acquaintance who had 3 gifts wrapped and said, "I have several friends who I can direct your way."

I am so excited for Zoe and am proud of her! She is a wrapping present expert!