It has a been a great weekend. One of my favorite ladies in my Bible study got married. Lauren was home because she wanted to babysit Sue & Bill's boys so they could go to the wedding too. We witnessed 5 baptism at the church service where Lauren goes to church in Durham. My heart is grateful to witness lives Jesus changes and works in.
Especially for the bride of this wedding, Donna.
She was Donna Christensen -- and those of you who went to Immanuel Bible Church back in the day (20+ years ago), you might remember her as the wife of then senior pastor Andy Christensen. And if you were around in the Christian community there, you may also be familiar with what happened. They had been married for thirty years when her husband announced he loved someone else -- he left her and his family for the church secretary he had an affair with. Needless to say, he left IBC as well. (He has since repented.)
But this second wedding wasn't about just a second husband. Its about Jesus. God did not leave Donna alone. Not only did she start/lead a ministry for abandoned women like herself, she wrote a book about how God used that experience to show Himself faithful. And by the way, her groom had not met her but had fallen in love with her because he read her book first!
Fast forward many years later -- many restorative and redemptive years later and Donna Christensen is now Donna Bos. I have only known her about a year and we have had a blast picking on each other in Bible study. She is a serious student of God's Word with a warm and giving smile, despite my snarky sense of humor directed at her. One day in class, there was discussion about wedding plans etc. and questions were being asked about colors, flowers, honeymoon and on and on.
"My goodness Donna," I remarked. "What do people at your age do on a honeymoon?" She turned bright red and glared at me with affection and responded, "You are a rat."
I love weddings. But I love when Christ is the reason for the wedding. When the husband and wife could have not met at the alter without the undeniable work of Christ. We were not blessed by this wedding because we are just happy for Donna, we are blessed by this wedding because only God does the miracles, only God knows the what He has in store for us, only God can turn what is bitter and painful into something that glorifies Him and changes us.
Just as I responded on the RSVP of her wedding invite: "WOO-HOO for Donna!!"
3.28.2011
3.18.2011
My BamBam, My Puppy
Last Saturday, March 12, 2011 we had to make the decision to put BamBam to sleep. We knew the decision was inevitable, but we thought we had a couple of good weeks left with him. We had just had a really good couple of days.
So much happened so quickly and I struggle with recording all the details. It doesn't matter whether the details are put to words here I guess, my memory and Danny's won't forget the ordeal and emotional roller coaster we experienced in the last two weeks with our "baby."
To say that I am heartbroken is an understatement. To say I am grieving and depressed seems over-the-top, but there hasn't been a day since we said good bye that I have not cried over his absence.
This week is difficult. The house is screaming with silence and the lack of familiar and expected sounds of BamBam. I am lost and lonely in my own home.
There's a familiar song you will know the tune to from your childhood. Its "If you're happy and you know it clap your hands!" It was my song for BamBam and he loved it when I sang it to him. Of course the words were different.
There's a puppy in my house that I love!
There's a puppy in my house that I love!
There's a puppy in my house
that I love very much.
There's a puppy in my house that I love!
I sang it to him holding back tears for the last time last Saturday. By then he was completely blind, had suffered two seizures, but knew my voice. He wagged his tail, and welcomed my love. I hope it comforted him. I hope in the confusion of those last hours, he knew that his Mommy and Daddy wanted nothing more than to hold him and love him.
BamBam
October 2004 - March 2011
2.23.2011
How Does Truth Apply?
Last night we got the call from our vet about the tissue test results from BamBam's eye. As expected, it was cancerous, but the news was the worst it could be: he has lymphoma and its not local in his eye; it is systemic. I'm not going to get into all the medical descriptions of his condition, but like a human, he'll need to have further tests to determine which stage of cancer he has and based on that, we'll have to decide what we'll do for treatment ...... IF we can justify treatment.
My heart is broken. And it feels stupid to feel so broken, because he is, in fact, just a dog. I cannot imagine not having him follow me around the house, greet me in his crazy "I'm so thrilled Mommy is home!" hyper state of mind every time I come home. I cannot imagine long walks without him.
And then I am reminded of a friend who struggles, wrestles and battles with the difficulties and series of daily heartaches she experiences because she has an autistic child. I think of another woman, who has recently lost a child during pregnancy and many others during other pregnancies. The courage and effort it takes her to face her grief repeatedly and to work towards healing, I imagine is monumental. I don't understand their heartaches, but have certainly cried with and for them. God knows I probably could not handle their heartaches.
Who am I to nurse the heartache of losing my dog? Life is not about comparison, but comparison certainly affords itself to perspective. God says He is close to the broken-hearted. Does God care that I hurt over my dog? How do I justify a prayer for my dog or even a prayer for myself because of my DOG? Did David write Psalms about his pet? I am sure you hear the sarcasm in my voice.
It is a strange place to be asking for God's wisdom about a DOG. How will we be good steward's of his resources/finances when it comes to what we're willing to pay for care and treatment for our DOG? When am I willing to be as generous in giving that money to a HUMAN who needs medical treatment instead? Just because I could afford the treatment, does it make sense --- in the eyes of God to spend our money that way? On a DOG? What is the eternal value in that? Other than meeting my own emotional need to have my DOG around me for a little longer?
How in this stupid situation of my broken heart over a DOG do I apply God's truth and word to it? Because God's word and truth DOES apply. Somehow and someway. Is this situation purely selfish on my part? My DOG gives me joy. That is his purpose in my life and there is an emotional area of my heart that gets blessed and filled by him.
I love BamBam. I think that's obvious over the years as I've often included him in various blogposts. He is like a child to me. But this heartache feels conflicted for me. I want my heart to mourn with those who mourn, and grieve with those who grieve -- for real. There are REAL hurts and broken lives out there. My heart cannot chose to cry in my isolated house over my DOG without recognizing it has the potential to take my efforts and energy in a direction that fails to see that my mourning can be wasted if not poured in the perspective of others.
My heart is broken. And it feels stupid to feel so broken, because he is, in fact, just a dog. I cannot imagine not having him follow me around the house, greet me in his crazy "I'm so thrilled Mommy is home!" hyper state of mind every time I come home. I cannot imagine long walks without him.
And then I am reminded of a friend who struggles, wrestles and battles with the difficulties and series of daily heartaches she experiences because she has an autistic child. I think of another woman, who has recently lost a child during pregnancy and many others during other pregnancies. The courage and effort it takes her to face her grief repeatedly and to work towards healing, I imagine is monumental. I don't understand their heartaches, but have certainly cried with and for them. God knows I probably could not handle their heartaches.
Who am I to nurse the heartache of losing my dog? Life is not about comparison, but comparison certainly affords itself to perspective. God says He is close to the broken-hearted. Does God care that I hurt over my dog? How do I justify a prayer for my dog or even a prayer for myself because of my DOG? Did David write Psalms about his pet? I am sure you hear the sarcasm in my voice.
It is a strange place to be asking for God's wisdom about a DOG. How will we be good steward's of his resources/finances when it comes to what we're willing to pay for care and treatment for our DOG? When am I willing to be as generous in giving that money to a HUMAN who needs medical treatment instead? Just because I could afford the treatment, does it make sense --- in the eyes of God to spend our money that way? On a DOG? What is the eternal value in that? Other than meeting my own emotional need to have my DOG around me for a little longer?
How in this stupid situation of my broken heart over a DOG do I apply God's truth and word to it? Because God's word and truth DOES apply. Somehow and someway. Is this situation purely selfish on my part? My DOG gives me joy. That is his purpose in my life and there is an emotional area of my heart that gets blessed and filled by him.
I love BamBam. I think that's obvious over the years as I've often included him in various blogposts. He is like a child to me. But this heartache feels conflicted for me. I want my heart to mourn with those who mourn, and grieve with those who grieve -- for real. There are REAL hurts and broken lives out there. My heart cannot chose to cry in my isolated house over my DOG without recognizing it has the potential to take my efforts and energy in a direction that fails to see that my mourning can be wasted if not poured in the perspective of others.
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