Chinese! Japanese! Squinty Eyes! Look at these!

It is late Saturday morning. The doorbell rings. BamBam goes nuts as usual. I open the door cautiously as I am not expecting anyone and I'm still in my jammies. Danny has gone to drop off Michael to catch a train to Virginia.

As I carefully open the door, a tall middle-aged women with unnatural blonde hair greets me with a smile, "Hiiiiiii! Are you Chinese?"

"No," I answer the odd question. I was about to ask, "Is this a neighborhood casting call?" but realized that would be ridiculous.

The woman was suddenly awkward and less enthusiastic about waving her Chinese Bible and track. "Oh . . . uh, you aren't? You're not Chinese?"

"No."

"Oh, uh well can I ask your background?"

What? Had I lied to her about being Chinese? Had I been mistaken about my own 'background'?

"I'm part Vietnamese."

"Oh, well one of your neighbors said they thought you were Chinese."

Yes, of course. We all look the same. Chinese, Japanese, squinty eyes, look at these. Really?

"Nope."

I wanted to add: "Oh, well I think that same neighbor thought you looked like you were from Uzbekistan." But that would not have been very nice. We all know the chicks from Uzbekistan look like men. Or is that Khasakistan? I can never tell; those 'Stanies' all look alike to me.

Chinese? Really? Ugh. If you're gonna try and win me over to your "church" at least mistake me for one of the prettier Asian species, like the Japanese. I suppose I should be thankful I am not considered Korean . . . . to my face, anyway.

OH, by the way, Happy Chinese New Year.